Update!

Hey everyone! I tried to think of a creative title for this post, but my creativity seems to have escaped me for a moment there so here we go:

Its been quite sometime since I last wrote to you. Outreach, the end of DTS, coming back home to Finland...all of that has happened and there is so much to say about it. A lot of emotions and a lot of thoughts.

First of all outreach was amazing. Not the easiest for sure. Being in the Middle East was something I least expected for myself. I had never really had a great interest for it, yet I know it was the perfect place for me to grow as a person and depend on God in more ways than I expected. As a woman I had to adapt to a lot more restrictions and felt myself going through some sort of identity crisis, not being able to be the dancing around, trying hard not to laugh kind of person that I am who enjoys to express herself in the diversity of what she wears. Coming from a culture where equality is a big deal and men and women have pretty much the same rights. It was hard to be in a place that was so very different. Yet, like I said it was the perfect place for me. Dying to myself was something I had to face each day and laying down my rights to live in a specific way just allowed me to see the people and culture from a whole new perspective. I met so many people with lifestories that were heartbreaking. I saw so many families struggling to have enough to eat or money for rent. So many stories of death and lost relatives. Of people being bullied whether in school, or on the streets.

Being around these people and what they had to share made me realize again how truly thankful I was about things that I would never even think of being truly thankful for back home. I mean I was always brought up knowing I should be thankful for what I have, like the food and clothes always available for me. But now I can say I know it and mean it when I say I'm thankful for what I have. So many times I felt completely naked going into a local family's home, hearing their story and seeing their needs and realizing that I actually have to say something now. What on earth could I say to make things in any way better? How could I give them any sort of hope, when they know that I'm standing there in front of them with always a B- plan available for me to fly home and get a job that pays me even the lowest of sallaries? How will my story encourage them in any way whatsoever?

Katarina wake up. It's not you who will do anything. It is God through you! And that is one of the greatest experiences and testimonies outreach gave me. Really seeing what God was capable of doing when I had absolutely nothing to give. I had great moments of sharing scripture, praying for people and sharing bits and pieces of my testimony while God did the rest. He wants to use you and me. He doesn't need me, but He loves me and wants to do life with me. He wants me to keep realizing in my life that He truly is all I need and with Him all things are possible. One of my favorite lyrics of all time has become a lifeline for me during these past few years. "May we never lose our wonder." (You might know the song, wink wink all dem christian hits) I truly feel like God is revealing to me His diversity in a way that I really can't do anything but stand there "wide- eyed and mystified may we be just like a child staring at the beauty of our King.." (another great lyric from the same song).
Even if it were just these revelations that I recieved during outreach I would've been quite satisfied, but oh my there was so much more!

God showed me that I have so much to give with my words and the way I speak to someone. He taught me about communication and humility and the power of prayer through my amazing team. Each individual of the team had something significant to give.

• Our team leader David (the frigga from Aussieland) with his amazing example of leadership hand in hand with humility and honesty. (So inspired and so thankful.) This man always pushed us to take steps out of our comfort zone and was always ready to challenge us in different ways. You could tell that He truly pursued to seek God in his secret place and that beared fruit for sure. Also this man is so much fun and loves to be in the kitchen making magic for us to enjoy.
• My Finnish sister Maggie with her talent in social skills, art, cooking and knowledge of the Middle Eastern culture. (Marco rakastan sua.) She is quite the woman of perseverance and of determination. She can make anyone's day and she breaks culture wherever she walks, staying true to herself. Maggie I think our whole team could say that outreach would definitely not have been the same without you. This woman is so WISE as well. Had to write that in caps to make a statement.
• My Norwegian sister Sara with her openness, thirst for fun and laughter and bold in speech. (She just got engaged!!) This woman went through some great breakthroughs and I had amazing times together with her talking about the life we've lived and the life we want to live. She is committed to the people she cares about. She loves to share about things she loves in her culture and the people in her life. It kind of gives a glimpse into the way God speaks to us about us and about the people around us He loves as well. Sara you truly are an amazing woman.
• Jana, my American sister with enough beautiful tears to fill a million oceans, words of love and affection and the greatest example of a servant's heart I have honestly ever witnessed in my life. What a wife and mother she will one day be! I look back on my conversations with you and the dance moves you weren't shy to share with so much joy. Especially that one evening talking with you on the rooftop, remember?
• Vuyo, my South African brother who was always ready to dance with me, speak about the wonders of life with me and to top all that; always ready to joke around and bless everyone around him with his gift of caring and eagerness to interact. (Theta nam Vuyo! Enkosi for being true to yourself!)
• Jurian, my Dutch brother with the gift to learn a language faster than I can count from one to ten. A wise man with a lot to give to the culture we were in, the team we served with and to you as an individual. I learned a lot from him about myself and men in general (could say that actually about all the 3 guys in our team. Such good men!). (Rauhoitu Jyri!)
• Iris, ik hou van jou my Dutch sister! Oh how I miss our talks and prayer moments together. This woman has a laugh that will start a chain reaction and a heart of gold. (Almost wrote golf instead of gold haha) She is so wise and a true, committed friend. Honest to herself and others and someone I really wish I could hug right now. She's doing the Children At Risk- school in South Africa right now and I couldn't be more proud and excited for her! (Ir you are amazing and I can't wait to reunite with you asap!)
• Rhodé, or Rhodi as I would call her. My other Dutch sister. (Somehow I always get blessed by these wonderful Dutch people in my life.) When this woman walks into the room, you can't but turn your head and stop to admire her. She walks in such beauty and integrity. When she speaks she speaks with authority and the voice of others around her. She is someone who asks the right questions when they need to be asked and and someone who will always have that twinkle in her eye for a good joke. This woman is motivated and strong, beautiful inside and out and seeing her growth during DTS has inspired many of us! I could say a lot more, but lets just leave more for the imagination haha.
• My German sister Ronja. Oh my what a powerful woman of God! Probably not the first time she's heard that. She is a woman of leadership and wisdom. Wisdom she has recieved when pursuing God above all else and a laugh that will literally make her gasp for breath after 10 minutes laughing non-stop. When she sings and when she prays you will feel the enemy tremble. Seriously. She has eyes of love that will stop for you and spend time with you. She is funny and sweet and truly an inspiration for me to keep praying like a warrior woman of God. She's like an Esther for me in the Bible. That says a lot in itself already.
• Tabita. My Italian sister. What an unbelievable package of strength, humility and fun she is. Her story is incredible and when you just observe how she treats others around her and how she speaks about God, you will see such great beauty and such wisdom in her speech and her eyes. She is a musician and has something powerful to give to all women and men with the opportunity to share life with her. I'm fascinated and inspired and your love for Pasta and Italy is so wonderful! You and your cooking skills are such a blessing and Italy should be proud to have you represent them wherever you walk on this earth. The world is waiting!
• Emma or as I would say (along with some Arabs we know); Ema. This woman is so diverse! So mature and wise, equipped with international experiences since birth and someone who will uniquely express herself and interact with you. When she smiles its like a flower blossoming in the spring. Seriously, its sweet and strong and my poetic words really do work in this situation haha. Ema by being you, you blessed the team with your presence. You shared wise thoughts and got along with everyone. You are so flexible and so comfortable to have around and honestly you and your parents should be proud of the woman you have become. I'm so curious to see where God is leading you and I'm happy for everyone that gets to share their day to day life with you. (She just had her birthday, so HappyBirthday beautiful once more!)
• And then there was me: blaaaah. (Just kidding haha)

When we choose to see the uniqueness and beauty in the people around us, at the same time we see a lot of what God sees and I for sure have realized that if I see already as much as I do in people in my life, than how much more does God see in them and in me myself?! I love the fact that I can spend the rest of my life always learning more about the people around me and of course who God has created me to be. The more I learn about that the more I see God in all His glory and greatness. I see my weaknesses as a place for Him to make it complete. I see my parents mistakes as a place for Him to make it complete and I see Him making it complete in areas my friends and others lack in. Even while writing this I'm re- realizing how true this is and it just makes me more eager to keep pursuing Him. The life we live here is short, but what we have in Him for eternity is, well eternal! So why not enjoy the adventure here and now, knowing that it will be a beautiful journey of revelations and an intimate relationship that will satisfy us even when the world stops trying. I feel like I always have so much to say and I get carried away, so I should go on now. Anyway, I am very thankful for what outreach was for me and for my team. The good and the not so good, the fun and the not so fun. I love you all and am so thankful for the journey we had the opportunity to walk together.

So outreach ended and we came back to Muizenberg with a little more weight and a lot more inside jokes. Just like most of the other teams around us. It was so emotional and so fun and encouraging to be back together with everyone at the base. I love and live for reunions and I hadn't realized how much I missed everyone until I saw their beautiful faces again. What a season we fellowshipped together friends. Beautiful testimonies, beautiful (and really hard) growth at times and memories we really will cherish forever as cheesy as that sounds.

We spent an amazing 2 weeks together and then it was time for the goodbye. Even thinking about it makes me feel uncomfortable, because as much as I love reunions, I hate goodbyes. This time it was one of the hardest though, because South Africa truly has my heart. When I was 6 years old I knew I wanted to come to this country. I didn't know why, how or when, but I arrived. And as soon as I did it felt like the right place to be. The culture, the diversity, the beautiful people I met and built strong friendships with. A home. I'm not sure if I'm called to be there for a short season in my life or perhaps for the rest of it, but God knows and what I know for now is that I'm going back, hopefully by the end of this year and the love God has shared with me for this country and its people will come with me.

So anywaaaay, the goodbye was tears here there and everywhere and lingering ones at the airport as well. And in a matter of minutes it was suddenly just me, alone at the airport on my way back to Finland.

Funny story, I had the opportunity to share about YWAM to a few people (through my tears haha) at the airport before stepping into the plane, so it was quite encouraging for me to start this next season of life with that. The travel home was hard, because all the processing I hadn't been able to do during the hectic everything of the last months and weeks had begun. A lot of people, moments, conversations and memories flashing through my mind, me trying to grasp hold of them and preparing myself to keep what was good and strip free of what was not intended as I came back to Finland.

It was wonderful seeing family and friends again, but I was not fully prepared (even though the debrief was extremely helpful!) for how hard it was going to be to get used to life here. I had like 3 weeks of mainly being at home and introverting to the max, until I had another few weeks of feeling really present and invested in life here. And now I've had again two weeks or so of feeling really confused, yet really confident at times. Kind of a roller coaster thing going on. I'm super motivated to find a job and get a rhythm into life again, but it hasn't been too successful for me yet. Still praying and applying to tons of places whenever I get the opportunity. I have faith, because God says He will provide. I would appreciate it though if you join forces with me in prayer over this. Thankyou!

My heart for SA hasn't changed one bit since I got back. I think about the country and culture quite a lot. About things I love in it and things I want to see God work in. I think I annoy the heck out of people around me with all the african music I've been playing in the car and when at home, but I just love it haha and I love dancing and sharing as much as possible about the many wonderful things I've seen and experienced. I have a new found love for Finland too though. It's nice to see different characteristics of God displayed in different ways in the different cultures and people of this world. "When you go to another country, it's like stepping into a new room in God's house." Lets be open to see God and His nature and character wherever we go and in whoever we meet.

I'm not saying I haven't felt disappointed or alone after coming back home, because that was for sure bound to happen after living in such community and fellowship for the past 6 months. There are a lot of things I wish were different and a lot of revelations I wish people around me would have received while I was gone, but honestly that's the case in every country. We always have new things to learn and its up to me to be accountable to God with how I live my life and what the Kingdom- culture looks like compared to the Finnish or the South African culture. Remember when I was talking about God making different things complete earlier? In the same way, what different cultures lack, God comes in with the Kingdom- culture to make complete and we can decide what kind of culture we want to pursue. But, in the end the more we focus on God and pursuing relationship with Him, the more we will see what the term "Kingdom Culture" even means. I'm sure, because I've seen glimpses here and there! Lets keep running after God's heart wherever we are and with whoever we are. It for sure is not always easy, but when was it ever supposed to be? Let's aim to persevere and to see the good. Its a choice you know, to see the good and when it comes to the bad stuff, trust that Papa knows best and He can use me and you to do anything! Come on; them sticks into snakes, five breads and two fish feeding hundreds? A seperated sea? Let's never lose our wonder and lets stay in fellowship. I need you and hopefully you need me too.

I will try to keep you all updated more often. I love writing and I get quite carried away when I do, so I should do it more frequently to keep the length smart.

Be blessed yall! I also want to thank everyone who supported me financially during this experience. I hope, when reading this you will be rewarded greatly and please know it truly has been a gift I do not take for granted. Thankyou thankyou thankyou! Hugs!

-Kat